now you see me now you dont

putting on a strong front is hard.
its hard to continue wearing that mask and not show ur emotions for a long period of time.
till i donno what im actually feeling.
i got quite shocked when they scolded me and say "wan lin can you just stop it.. this isnt you.. "
that kinda got drilled into my head.
i know i only wanted to just sit down and cry but there was this .. this unknown something that stopped me. i donno what im scared of. to be termed weak? ((actually i know im abit discriminating and all but i dont like guys who cry.. i strongly believe in nan ren you lei bu qing tan)) in fact i consider myself pro in holding back tears.
i realised my laughter aint that real anymore. i laugh yes.. mayb just to lighten the whole atmosphere and all.. but there just wasnt this sparkle which i had.
is this part of growing up? k.. im being philo today.
you know i was packing my stuff today and my secondary sch photos dropped out. and i took an hr to stare at them.. that was then i decide to just let myself go..

on a lighter note..
linhui eileen cynthia huijia and i went vivo today.. we totally forgot bout the st james thing till we saw the sc pp strolling. in the first place i thought ny ppl actually go to vivo dont they hang ard s'goon j8 toa payoh and places liddat? till hj say they going e st james pub. i guess im not able to recognize ny ppl unless i paste their faces behind nyjc walls. i need to visualise them in sch first then i'll be able to know they r fr ny. they were like practically everywhere. till we finally went home, sick of seeing ny pp even outside sch. going to a pub at 2.30 in the afternoon. HAH. i think the sch should have like a small reception place like the one quest had for prom during our yr.. it'd have been sufficient enough. going to pub seems more like an ac thing. (=P im not trying to shoot anybody)

im too tired to type.
ciao.
everybody's mugging.. i donno whether i'll be able to get into mugging mood ever..
that scares me.